There are times when I think, “My daughter is bipolar.” But her psychiatrist assured me she is not. I was given a number of documents comparing oppositional defiant disorder and bipolar side-by-side. I get it. She’s not bipolar.
So what is happening in those times when she just seems to exude crazy dark energy?
I’m not sure. I have some theories, though.
Here’s the thing, I did a bunch of food elimination testing with Aurora before she was diagnosed and before she started medication. I wanted to make sure this wasn’t something we could treat with diet.
So I had her go two months without sugar first. There was no difference in behavior.
Next I removed red dye from her diet. No difference.
I eliminated dairy. No difference (unless you count that she was really angry about not being able to eat cheese).
I took out gluten. No difference. (We did learn later that she is gluten intolerant, but at that point it was still unknown.)
I determined that her behavior was not greatly affected by diet. This was…almost correct.
Not long after, I was able to meet with her doctors and start her on medications. We eventually found an effective medication. And it really is effective. But it is not a cure.
And I have found that while on medication, diet actually does matter. I am now able to see the effects of eating certain foods and the effects of not eating well.
About two weeks ago I was folding laundry upstairs when I heard yelling and banging. I rushed downstairs to see a completely out-of-control Aurora. She was not upset, she was just playing. It wasn’t normal play, however. It was loud, wild, and somewhat unnerving for her siblings because she was so unpredictable.
I asked her to stop and tried to redirect her. She was full of energy. Erratic energy. She immediately became hysterical and sobbed, “You’re ruining all my fun.”
She stormed off to the kitchen. She had decided to cook eggs. Fearing for the safety of my pots, pans, and eggs, I tried to redirect her again. She burst into tears a second time.
Tossing the eggs down on the counter (and, yes, breaking them) she stomped into the family room and began throwing pillows at her younger brother. She was using her excess energy to be destructive.
What is going on? I asked myself. She was often an angry person, but this was excessive and confusing. Her anger was a bit scary and directed at nothing.
It was then that I remembered the candy.
Candy is of the devil. Did you know?
Hyperbole?
Maybe.
Aurora had spent the morning with a group of friends and they had set off a candy cannon. It was, I’m sure, quite fun, but left me with little ability to regulate her candy intake. And, judging by her behavior, she had failed to regulate herself. I didn’t know how much candy she had eaten, but it was more than her mind and body could deal with.
I realized at some point that, while limiting sugar doesn’t cure her ADHD, if she is medicated, limiting sugar does help. And not limiting sugar is just a bad idea.
Don’t get me wrong, we eat sugar at our house. Other than during the elimination diet period, I have not completely emptied my house of sugar. I especially love chocolate. And like Aurora, I am not very good at limiting my intake.
So every five years or so I go completely off of chocolate for a year. This started when I was young and my mom promised me and my sisters a hundred dollars to not eat it. For a year.
After getting married and moving across the country with my husband, I found a temporary job as a daycare teacher.
One aspect of the job was feeding the children snacks and lunch each day. The daycare had a kitchen and a part time cook. Sometimes the other workers and I would bring in special treats, usually chocolate, to share with just the other adults on someone’s birthday or just because we had extras. I was pregnant with my first child at this time, and I had decided to go off of chocolate that year until the baby was born and after I was finished nursing him. I told everyone early on, “I don’t eat chocolate.” This made it easier for me to not eat it because everyone would expect me to avoid it.
After a few months, a new two-year-old joined my class. While introducing herself to the daycare receptionist, the child’s mother mentioned that she was a Mormon. “That’s great!” the receptionist replied. “We have a Mormon girl working here. So we know, of course, that your child cannot have anything made with chocolate.”
“Umm…he can have chocolate,” she said looking confused.
Slightly embarrassed, the receptionist relayed this conversation to me and added in a whisper, “She is not quite as devout as you. She eats chocolate.”
I laughed out loud. “Mormons eat chocolate. I just don’t eat chocolate.” For some reason she did not think this was as funny as I did.
The point is, I felt, at this time, like I had to go completely off of chocolate or be completely on. I still feel this way. Moderation is so hard.
Anyway, I think Aurora comes by her inability to regulate honestly. Yes, it’s part of ADHD, but also genetic. Sometimes an extreme chocolate ban or sugar ban is necessary for her and myself when we just can’t seem to be moderate.
Usually, however, I can keep the sugar consumption of my children under control. I try to stick to a “one dessert after dinner” rule.
Those days when I can’t, though, I am constantly cursing all the candy, cookies, and soda in existence. And those darn candy cannons.
You may think that allowing my daughter any sugar is unwise on my part.
Or you may think I am ruining her childhood by not letting her live on popsicles all summer.
I am doing my best to teach her something that is hard for me. I don’t think it is reasonable to expect her to avoid all sugar throughout her life. I do think she can learn to say, “I will take one.” And in the meantime, I will keep the chocolate hidden or just leave it on the shelf of the grocery store.